Megan is left confused after her lagoon grinding session.
Megan is left confused after her lagoon grinding session.

‘P-ssed off’: Bachelor producers break the rules

IN AN attempt to fix what has turned out to be a mess of a series, Bachelor In Paradise producers have thrown the rule book into the south pacific ocean and are now just making it up as they go along.

After three contestants decided to leave on a whim during Monday night's episode, it was too late to cancel that evening's rose ceremony so we also waved goodbye to Canadian intruder Thomas. He only arrived on the island about 30 minutes before the ceremony but he wasn't given a rose and we don't make the rules, we just enforce them. So, Monday night saw a mass culling.

With numbers dwindling and not much content to fill the remaining episodes with, producers madly scrambled. They raced to the airport before Thomas' plane left and, even though he was eliminated, asked him back to the resort.

According to official Bachelor rules, if a contestant doesn't receive a rose, they are deemed undesirable by the masses and sent home in an Uber - or in this case, a seaplane.

But because of poor planning and an inability to handle rogue contestants, producers have flouted their own rules and invited a cast-off back.

This move doesn't sit well with contestants.

To cause drama, producers whisk Megan away in front of everyone for a secret meeting. No one knows where she's going. Not even Jake. They're not in a relationship but they're also not not in a relationship. I don't know what they are. I'm just here for the frozen daiquiris.

Are refills free pls?
Are refills free pls?

Anyway, producers lock Megan in a deserted bar with Canadian Thomas - even though she rejected his request for a date on Monday.

But it seems she's had a change of heart. Also, she's not that keen on Jake anymore.

"I feel really confused because I care about Jake but I'm not in love with him," she confesses.

"At this point I don't know if I see a future with Jake. He's like a best friend to me. So for me, this is a bit of a second chance to see if I can connect with somebody other than Jake."

Even though she snubbed Thomas not 24 hours ago, Megan is now totally into him.

They make out in the slimy waters of an isolated lagoon.

Conveniently, a producer had a floodlight.
Conveniently, a producer had a floodlight.

Grinding on each other in the lagoon has only confused Megan. And from my experience of grinding anonymous people in lagoons, that's a common emotion to experience afterwards.

"I don't now if tonight has brought me more clarity. Yeah, shit," she says, clutching her face in frustration.

"I just created a really complicated situation for myself. I don't know what I want."

Well, I think the first thing you should do is wash your hair.
Well, I think the first thing you should do is wash your hair.

Meanwhile, Jake's sent into overdrive. He's analysing everything. Where's Megan? Who is she with?

"My rose isn't going anywhere else other than Megan. And if something does happen that's going to change that, then I'm not going to be giving a rose because I'm not sticking around," he admits.

Suddenly, Megan and Thomas saunter back into the villa grounds. Jake isn't happy.

"I'm pissed off. I'm really confused and I don't know what the hell's going on," he rages.

The producer's rule breaking have pushed him over the edge. Which means it's created drama. Which kind of means this snoozefest of a show is back on track.